Confession
Please don’t judge me till after you finish reading this entire thing.
It’s official: I like Lindsey Lohan. Not her herself, but more her as an icon. Obviously I don’t like her nasty drug habits, or DUI convictions, that’s a whole nasty mess, but she does what she wants and that is something I simply do not always have the courage to follow through with.
Doing what you want, as a white-bread midwestern blonde Chicagoan gal is difficult, because you are told you can make yourself happy after appeasing everyone around yourself first. Another confession is, I usually get what I want with my smile and attempts at charm. I know when this approach will and will not work, so I am careful when to use it, but I still feel it is a detractor to who I really am. Perhaps because that was how I was taught to get what I want-through my presentation. Of course I justify this behavior with “well if you’re that easily convinced then that’s you’re own fault.” Yet there remains an eternally nagging feeling. Perhaps this is why I am so intrigued by Lindsey Lohan. Or perhaps it’s because I find it difficult to indulge myself because I’ve always told myself “No, that’s not what you’re supposed to do.” Well Fuck that, I’ll do what I want! But do I really follow through? I believe I follow through enough so to define who I am just a little more, but is it to any avail? Even I am not sure.
What I would really like to do is travel. Telling no one I would pack a backpack and go to the airport, hop on a plane that is going to a foreign country, where I don’t speak the language, where no one knows my name, and I discover something new-myself.
